The other day I wrote about pralines on my blog, Slow Simmer, which can be found at The Reporter Web site.

I’ve been obsessed with making the perfect praline for some time.

When I had a life in the dim past, I loved praline ice cream, usually at midnight. I would sneak into the kitchen and attack a half gallon with a spoon the size of a table.

I was always careful not to make too much noise or my wife, Ginny, would get suspicious. She knew joyful sounds coming from me could only mean I found the ice-cream spoon.

For the past month the memory of this praline ice cream has been driving me to find the best praline recipe.

This brings me to the subject of life callings.

I have always thought I missed my calling in life. In fact I suspect I’ve missed most callings, except when I won the lottery. That was the draft lottery in 1971. Numbers were assigned to birthdays by the draft-board guys, and my number was one.

I’ve never played the lottery since.

Back to life callings.

I recently had a light flicker in my head, or I had a stroke of some kind, take your choice.

My flicker of light was when I discovered the no-fail sales pitch for my restaurant. This is the restaurant in my head, where I get to be chef with a big hat and cape.

Yes, I get to have a cape. And it is very cool. I may wear a mask with my chef hat and cape, a style question I will take up later.

My stroke of light idea was to start a restaurant and serve all the wrong food. It would be called the near-death eating experience. Sit at the table and eat till you drop.

None of this omega-3,2,1 carbo-protein gag me with alpha sprouts and tofu barf.

In my restaurant you will get mushrooms stuffed with roasted garlic cream cheese and topped with parmigiano-reggiano wrapped in bacon. In fact I’ll wrap bacon around M&Ms dipped in chocolate and whipped cream if someone wants it, besides me.

I also want to serve my brownies with M&Ms and praline frosting topped with homemade ice cream and whipped cream. Probably no bacon.

I want wild blackberry pies and the crust will be made with lard like my grandma always did. Once again topped with homemade ice cream and whipped cream.

My pitch will be instead of losing 60 pounds eating anything you want, in my restaurant you will gain 60 pounds in one night and eat all the food you shouldn’t even spell.

I think I have a concept. Check my blog out at blogs.covingtonreporter.com/slowsimmer and we can work out all the deliciously bad things to put on the menu.