I took my 13-year-old daughter shopping for jeans yesterday. She has grown 4 inches this past year and it seems we have been shopping for jeans every three months or so.

I have had to learn some things about shopping for jeans. The lessons, as well as her taste in jeans, seem to change every time we are in a department store. One lesson that never changes? Never give my opinion; it will be wrong. Sometimes I think she even rejects something just because I like it.

So I just stand there, search for her size, hold them up and wait for the assenting or dissenting grunt. When we have a pile of jeans, we go into the dressing room and she tries them on. I then wait for her approval, again making sure I don’t have an opinion on look or fit; especially making sure I never tell her how cute they are.

I do, however, have some rights as the mother of a teen picking out jeans:

1. I have the right to remain silent, as anything I say can and will be used against me in the department store and when we get home.

2. I have the right to nix any jeans that become too low in the back when she sits or otherwise moves; I’ll call it “cleavage.”

3. I have the right to reject any jeans that look like they were run through a shredder.

4. I have the right to look at the price before she tries them on and if they are too expensive, remove them from her choices before she falls in love with them, as she inevitably will because they are expensive.

5. I have the right to decline any jeans that create a “muffin top” because muffin tops only belong on the tops of muffins.

Fortunately, my daughter is naturally modest and we don’t have arguments about inappropriate fit or “cleavage.” I’m also fortunate she doesn’t like jeans that have too many holes or ones in which the holes are too large. But the variety and choices of the jeans never fail to amaze me.

There are different styles every time we go into the store. You can’t walk into a department store three months after you bought the last set of jeans and expect to find the same style. You have to start over; which, when with a teen, can take awhile.

How can designers keep reinventing the blue jean? I’m sure when German-born Levi Strauss invented blue jeans; a tough pair of pants that would be strong enough to last for the working man, he didn’t mean for them to take it this far. Can we even call them blue jeans any more?

When I was a kid and you bought a new pair of jeans, everyone knew you had a new pair of jeans. They looked new, they were brightly colored and the blue dye would even leave your underwear tinted a light blue. If you outgrew your jeans, you would just go get a bigger size in the same brand. There were no worn marks across the thighs that look like the person wearing them never stood up; no holes slashed in the legs that make them look like they had a run-in with a combine; no fading like they’d been left on the top of a mountain in the harsh sun. They were new. When my kids buy new jeans, you can’t tell if they are new or not. So, when they go to school their friends don’t even compliment them on their new jeans; they can’t tell either.

I often wonder if my kid’s jeans looked new at some point and what story they could tell about how they got into the shape they come to us in. How old are they really? Have they hiked the Himalayas, biked Route 66, been drug behind Formula One race cars? Right now there could be children in some third world country working for a small wage trying to wear out our children’s jeans. At least someone in this world gets to wear new jeans.

Gretchen Leigh is a stay-at-home mom and writer committed to writing about the humor amidst the chaos of a family.

Gretchen is a stay-at-home mom committed to writing about the humor amidst the chaos of a family. You can read her daily blog and reach her at her website.