The other night my husband and I were watching the news and there was a sports item about a relief pitcher pitching a record number of outs or something. I don’t really care; what piqued my interested was the term “relief pitcher.” I’d heard the term before, but I was suddenly curious to know what a relief pitcher was. Was it really what it sounded like? Was it really a pitcher who steps in to give relief to the main pitcher?

I was in my bedroom and yelled to my oldest daughter, who was doing homework on her computer, and asked her to Google relief pitcher. And it is indeed what it sounds like. According to Wikipedia: A relief pitcher or reliever is a baseball or softball pitcher who enters the game after the starting pitcher is removed due to injury, ineffectiveness, fatigue, ejection, or for other strategic reasons, such as being substituted by a pinch hitter. Relief pitchers are further divided informally into closers, set-up relief pitchers, middle relief pitchers, left-handed specialists, long relievers, and mop-up relief.

Okay, look at that last part of the description, “mop-up relief.” As the main domestic engineer in my household, that part got me pretty excited. What mom wouldn’t want someone to step in and mop?

I have often said I needed my own wife to help me with domestic things. One summer a girlfriend of mine lived with us for a couple months while she was in transition. It worked well for all of us, because we were on a trip for a couple weeks and she took care of the house and animals. When we got home late at night from our vacation, she had homemade chicken soup ready for us.

She was also very good at organizing the clutter that seemed to accumulate around the house. It seemed I’d just turn around and the house was tidy. She didn’t put anything away, but she had a knack for making it seem less overwhelming. So you can imagine how much I missed her when her new home was ready and she moved out. Since then I’ve looked fondly back on that summer and wished I had my wife back.

But maybe what I really need is a relief pitcher; someone who is just waiting on the bench ready to step in. I would actually have my relief pitcher mop up.

Last week when I was at my writers’ group and my daughter, who had been home sick all week, called me because she ran out of tissue (it was a big deal, believe me), I could have had my relief pitcher step in for strategic reasons and go buy some tissue immediately.

I could have her pinch hit and fill my car up with gas instead of trying to work my empty tank around a time when my husband will be in the car with me. It’s a task I hate taking the time to do.

I would have my relief pitcher step in for ineffectiveness and weed my garden when I’m busy writing.

My relief pitcher could have supervised my youngest daughter’s birthday party last week. We did all the normal birthday stuff and then built a campfire. My husband took my oldest to the first football game her pep band played in this season. I would have liked to go, but I didn’t feel leaving seven squealing girls unsupervised with fire was the right thing to do. My relief pitcher could have been my closer and stayed and watched the fire for me so I could go to the game.

Oh, my relief pitcher would be a very busy person. I’d even give her weekends off. Well, maybe not, I don’t cook on weekends. I could be ejected and she could make meals on weekends. Of course, if she was really a good set-up relief pitcher, she’d cook ahead during the week and freeze meals so she could take the weekend off. I’d hate to have to call out my relief pitcher.

Gretchen Leigh is a stay-at-home mom who lives in Covington. She is committed to writing about the humor amidst the chaos of a family. You can read more of her writing and her daily blog on her website livingwithgleigh.com.