I love to see fathers holding their tiny young daughters in their arms. It is such a touching sight, but they will soon learn to be very afraid. The eighth wonder of the world is waiting for them just around the bend.
We have all heard of the seven wonders of the world. Pyramids and something, something, something and something else…. but there is one more I learned about after my daughter, Katy, was born.
The eighth wonder of the world is the most dreaded four words in the English language – “it was on sale.”
I remember when Katy was first born I was pacing the floor at 3 in the morning trying to get her to sleep. I figured she was just being fussy.
All these years later I find the real problem. There was a shoe sale going on and she was missing it. She was scarred for life, the poor little thing.
Today she is 22-years-old and officially smarter than I am, according to her, which is why she gets to rule what’s left of my puny life. She bought some new jeans the other day before heading back to college.
“How much did those jeans cost?” I asked innocently.
“Sixty dollars. They were on sale.”
I felt my knees buckle and I started seeing white spots fly through the air.
“Sixty bucks for a pair of jeans?” I asked.
I couldn’t believe it. I told her I just bought two shirts and two pairs of pants for under $30. I splurged and paid $7 for a shirt, the most I have ever paid.
“It is OK to call me Mr. Snappy Dresser with my new shirt,” I said.
“You buy shirts no one else would be caught dead in,” she said.
That explains everything, I must be dead.
Forging foolishly ahead with logic, I tried to enlighten her with my dad’s theory of buying shirts. Shirts are like haircuts. Once you get one and wear it once, no one knows the difference.
Katy began lecturing me about shopping and sales.
I wanted to poke needles in my eyes.
Why do girls get to use logic that makes no sense to anyone but other girls. It’s not fair.
If I used their logic guys would come to my house and shoot me with a Tazer.
I will let you in on some very secret knowledge, but don’t tell any girls what I am about to tell you.
I have learned through an anonymous source that God was talking to one of his buddies last week and the subject of sales came up.
“Joe, she’s buying shoes again,” God said.
“I know. She said there was a sale.”
“Why does she need shoes up here? I mean really. Where is she going to wear them. It’s nuts. I’m supposed to know these things. I’m God.”
The eighth wonder of the world and even God can’t figure it out.